Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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