Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
