ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
