Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
