I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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