Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
