People in love make me want to vomit
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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