He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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