just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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