Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
