I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
