420 ftw
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
