fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
