Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
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