and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She needs sedatives and a leash
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize