C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
