You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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