you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
