The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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