some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize