cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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