the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize