Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
