Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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