dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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