i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
