I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
