I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
