Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ladies don't puke and tell
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
