girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
