You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
