so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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