He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
