Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
