as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
