does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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