i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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