So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
