Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
