hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
