Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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