arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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