Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
