i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
