omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
