He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
