benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
