Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
