Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
vagina is talking i cant
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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