My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
