doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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