I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
