Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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