A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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