First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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