Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you never un-have a 4some
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
