The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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