im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
