I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
