I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
