It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize