I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
