How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
