Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
