I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
