He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
