Michael Bay diarrhea
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Are we still banned from the library?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
