I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
