i love accidental penises.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
being pregnant is like rehab
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
