i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
